In The Moment

It's been eight months today since Kians' birth and looking back over this blog and some of the early posts I'm amazed at how quickly its all transpired - how Kians' growth has snuck up on me. He has almost quadrupled in size and he is displaying all those characteristics of development that an 8-month old baby is supposed to exhibit, yet I hardly ever felt it coming. That's the way that life goes by: slowly, each day comes just like the others, then whammo, you notice that things aren't really the same. Early on I decided that I should keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings because I knew that the experience of being a part of Kians' life and his development would be a life changing experience, but my efforts were never fully launched. Whenever I felt something worthy of recording I was usually so absorbed in the moment with my son that I couldn't put it aside in order to preserve it. Often, to capture the moment is to lose it. I am beginning to learn that the best way to record such a moment is to forget about finding it again, but fully live it, deeply, and know that it will return to you again because it’s now fixed within the muscle memory of your consciousness. Unfortunately though, I never put the pen to paper when I was later able to, and now I only have a continuum of photos that links me to those powerful feelings that I experienced at the time. Let that be a lesson to me.