A Walk In The Park: Cowen Park

It was a gorgeous, fall day. Kian the milk boozer and I were strolling through Cowen Park in Ravenna. I’m feeling glad that nature calms Kiki’s inner beast. So, here is his current top 10:

1) Being held by dad or mom (or anyone who will cuddle for-ever)
2) The dancing turtles
3) The mobile above his crib
4) Seeing himself in the mirror
5) The squeaky duck
6) A walk in the park
7) The black-n-white picture cards
8) When you come NOW
9) When you smile and giggle at him
10) Rocking and jiggling

Kian is opening up to the outer world. In fact, he likes to face outward now rather than his usual cheek to chest. He’s still prone to fussiness but he seems to be getting more settled. It’s a fine line between sweet and sour. Funny—he’ll be laughing jubilantly one minute and then remarkably, the lips and eyes switch directions and he’s fit to be tied. What’s up with that? Our attempts to sway him with our smiles work, but only to a point. Although his emotions seem raw and random at times, I do notice some refinement.

Kiki’s been to parties and outings where we pass his novelty among family and friends, some of whom, are thinking about having kids. I encourage those who elicit immediate cries upon his receipt, not to worry, that I didn’t have any experience with babies before having my own. Yeah—scary, poor kid! “Just read the manuals”, I say. Somehow, they don’t seem empowered. I’m just another rookie parent trying to figure Kian out much as he’s trying to do the same with us. I make plenty of mistakes but the bottom line is I love the little mister.


So, we’re sitting at a table at the park, I’m nursing Kian, and this seemingly normal, older fellow, looking like a jogger turns as he approaches the trail, and yells across the lawn, in our general direction: “Write me some notes”, …”You’re testing me”,…..”I didn’t ask for this”. Bizarre. After a few minutes of going on and on, I realized he was a little nutzo. I thought, “Dougie, is that you?”. He’s been asking me to write in my journal and today I’m finally doing it. My attention drifts introspectively back to Kian’s role in my life. I didn’t realize how creative the act of parenting would be, from conception to birth to my silly songs and offbeat melodies. I hope I can keep his interest in the years to come. Kian is a lesson on being in the moment, and he’s teaching me to be adaptive and patient. I’m amazed that Kian has sat this long on my lap cooing contently, another new record. We hear the jogger’s voice now echoing upward as he descends further into the forest, ”Write me some notes…”. You can hear anxiety in his voice. It’s like a cry. “He wants someone to listen, right Kiki? Kind of like when you’re crying and I don’t come right away”. I muse that we humans are all needy and selfish, a cruel judgment, perhaps. Then I consider, maybe that’s ok, as long as our greed centers around love and joy. Regardless, embracing life’s challenges and losses and doing whatever it takes to heal is so important. Call it faith or the ability to access our child-like naivete.

Sometimes you just have to ROAR! Kian is really good at this but right now he’s super cool? Did he plan all of this? Even though Kiki is really demanding, he’s giving us so much back. A “benevolent dictator”, as my friend Emily so aptly put it. I tell myself, and Doug too, “When Kian’s happy, we’re happy”. It’s true but I confess, I am often selfish, making him wait at times, allowing him to cry. I need to walk my own talk. Kiki, life is what you make it, so make it good! Kiss the ground, smell the flowers, change your dirty diapers, laugh, play, and never-mind that life doesn’t always go your way. And express yourself, even if it seems like no one is listening.